17.0600-0800 Hevea is the roommate in my head

@24.0912-0125.99 by Atx

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Dear Marla,

Hevea is the roommate in my head.

She is my rubber fetish and she has been a part of me for as far back as I can remember.

As a (metaphorical) tulpa, Hevea has all of my memories and perceptions. However, I control all the muscles and operate my organs, so, I guess you can say that I'm the landlord of my body. Not Hevea.

Incidentally, as far as I am concerned, in the real world, the 'jury is still out' on tulpas. They make a convenient metaphor, as I use it, but to some, their tulpas are a very real 'roommate in my head'.

I know that my fetish is the result of some thing, event or condition that affected me in my early childhood. Like young chicks that bond with their mother chickens, I somehow bonded with rubber. It could even be the result of something like feeding on the rubber nipple of a baby bottle. Or maybe it was from the rubber-gloved hands of the doctor that delivered me. The very first thing I felt when I exited my mother's womb was rubber. And shortly thereafter the rubber nipple of a baby bottle is shoved in mouth. I will never know how or why. It's been with me all of my life. It just is.

This bonding with rubber (and PVC) at early age eventually commandeered my sexuality. I can remember masturbating in the presence of some kind of rubber garment such as gloves. PVC items also became a secondary fetish.

Of course, I had to surpress Hevea all of my life, especially when my hormones were raging during the first half of my life and I had many partners who were vanilla.

Now that I am past menopause, I'm no longer in the baby-making business and sex is simply not the big deal it used to be for me. (The timing is different for everyone, of course. But. mostly, the older you get the less sex energy you have. It's biology.)

But here's the thing. Just because the fires in the groin ain't what they use to be doesn't mean the fetish goes away.

??????????????????

There are all kinds of sexual fetishes that nobody cares about. The male fascination for the female breast is classic example. Society mapped that and moved on long ago.

But rubber fetish just a little too weird for most people.